I'm No Poe

Trying to escape
how far can one mind go
grab the gun

too loud

slit the wrists

too slow

tomorrow will come
no end in sight
until a few days later

comes the light

and if the days turn to weeks
how far can one mind go
it starts to realize, then again,
maybe that won't be too slow.

Like a child

who can do nothing right

the words out of my mouth

are they even heard

before discarded in plain sight

Strange what the mind can do when you are in a not so favorable state.  Don't get your panties in a wad.  I like to write when I am down and this is how it comes out.  No worries.  Maybe I'll "wake up" tomorrow!

Funk Much?

I can usually tell when I am getting a little depressed.  I don't know if I would call it depressed as much as really just a funk.  You know, when you just feel down and like the world is against you.  So many things lately seem to be "because of you".  And not really much that I did, I feel like it's just me being around and being myself.  If it is based on something I did, the whole thing is so juvenile.

Either way, funk cometh.

My mom gave me a shout out on my last blog and that was pretty freaking awesome.  I miss her tons and tried to get her on Skype tonight but she is working.  I am ready for her to come up here.  How about coming NOW for some spring planting mom??  It could use a pro.

I could sure use YOU too.

Cake anyone?

I have always loved those diaper cakes you see at baby showers.  Actually, I have never seen one in person.  Well, I decided I was going to make one for my friends shower. I wanted to do the "smooth icing" kind where you layered the diapers instead of the rolled diapers.  I would like to try that one too but I wanted a more elegant look.  Since they aren't finding out the sex of the baby we went with pink, yellow and green for our shower colors.  I would have liked a more pastel color but they worked and I found ribbon to match.  I can't wait to try and make more.  I think I would really have fun with a gender specific one.  Here's a few pics........

Tomorrow I have my MRI.  Thankfully this one is without contrast only instead of having to go through everything twice.  Then I follow up with the neuro in April.  I have a few ideas of what I am going to try to make things better.  We'll just see.  I know it for sure won't be surgery.

Watched a movie with Rick and Renee this weekend (oh, Lucky and Harley too!) called Brothers.  It was really good.  Sad in a way, but good.  

Weather is starting to be more spring like.  I was actually HOT today.  Need to bust out the spring/summer clothes!

Happy Spring!

I failed to mention all the family in my post about friends.  I just considered that would be a completely different blog all together.  So sorry! 

I also learned that in all my efforts to let people know that by keeping my presence in my old place of employment by reading my blog and MISINTERPRETING it to include people other than them, I misled a dear friend into thinking the blogs were possibly about her.  So, if you work at my previous place of employment, read my blog then continue to take what I say back to work and create drama-STOP IT.  You are telling people it is about them when in fact it is about YOU.  The people that I remain friends with there KNOW they are not the "clowns" I was referring to.  Just STOP.  Get over it, quit creating drama.  YOU are keeping me alive there.  I left, remember?  One of the MAIN reasons was the damn drama.  Keep my name out of your mouths.  I don't want to go more blunt than that.  Some of you, I don't even know what the hell I did to you!!  But you SERIOUSLY dislike me.  Ok, ignore me then.

Rusty says he's going to delete my blog.  So, only if I have to, will I address this ONE more time.  Wait, no I won't.  I will just deal with it in person.  That way my blog can be what it is intended to be.  We have lost valuable time with our dear friends Rick and Renee.  It won't happen again.  Not with any of my friends.  Maybe this will clear up ANY confusion.

Other than this, my life is pretty much drama free and I love it!!!!  Why not give it a try?

Phooey

I have 3 big days ahead of me.
1.  a) Baby Shower for a co-worker/friend
     b) Double Date night
2.  Friends 32nd birthday party
3.  Friend/family baby shower for said friend in 1.a

That being said, it is 8:45 and I am going to bed.  After, that is, I down a good dose of Nyquil.  Please cold, go away.

Not Again!

I don't know what it is but this is the third time I have been sick this year alone!  I haven't had that much trouble since before I quit smoking 2 1/2 years ago.  I don't know if I just get too mentally exhausted or what.  I always end up sick when I get run down.  Either way, I am getting ready to go to bed.  I should have went to bed at 8:00 but I am going to finish Biggest Loser.

Other than that I don't have much to report.  After the shower on Thursday I will post my picture of what I made!  From the few that have seen it, I've gotten good comments.

Nyquil.........take me away!

Feelin' Crafty

Today was a good day.  I walked around Wal-Mart until my hips hurt.  I just looked and looked.  I could have stayed longer but needed to get home!

It is amazing how people will leave plenty of room in between them and other vehicles once they drive past a 3 car rear-ending.  I saw one today and that poor car in the middle got creamed on both ends!  The SUV in front did pretty good............one time they come in handy!

Today I made something for a baby shower I have this week.  I am super excited at how it turned out and actually have pictures to post but you'll have to wait.  I don't know if she ever reads my blog...I doubt it, but better safe than sorry!  It is something I would love to do on the side for a little extra cash.  It was fun to do!  I'd also like to try the different ways of making them.  Okay, okay....since I can't say what it is I'll move on.

Move on to what though is the question.  I do want to know one thing.  I thought a baptism was a "Baptist" thing???  I have a great friend, Mrs. Becca, who is having her daughter baptized this weekend so I was wondering about that being that they are Catholic.  I would like to have gone but I cause her enough grief by being her friend.  I didn't want to be in the way just in case.

Another question I have.  Aren't you supposed to be able to have more than one friend?  I go to lunch with different co-workers all the time but does that mean I am "cheating" on the other friend?  What the heck is that?  I don't think that way.  I want to know what you think?  Seriously, do lots of people feel that way?  I have several best friends but they are best friends in different ways.  I have my best friend Tammy from Oklahoma.  I can trust her with ANYTHING and she supports me no matter what.  She is my go to girl.  I have my best friends Leigh and Jen from high school.  They are my get together, be myself no matter what because they love me no matter what.  We do what we want and don't care about anything!  I have my best friend Becca who is a TRUE friend, one who doesn't care what others think of our friendship and who is tough enough to let things fly by without flying off the handle.  Mrs. Staci is a GREAT friend that I look forward to getting closer to.  Wanda and Melesia are great Margarita Meeting girls!  I miss my friend Renee.  Don't know if I did something there or I'm just not friend material anymore.  Of course there are a few other friends that I wish I saw more or talked to more but that's a two way street.  I start to feel that if I am the only one making an effort that maybe it's not worth it to them, ya know?  Plus, some people that I think could be great friends may not have the same thing in mind.  I'm just glad they are a friend.  And I don't mean acquaintances.........I'm talking FRIENDS.  People you don't talk about behind their back, people that would do anything for you and you'd do the same, people that you spend time with and so on.  There is a difference...........and I don't think some realize it.  If I have to tolerate you, you must be an acquaintance.  Again no harm meant, just being honest.

I don't know where that all came from but thanks for listening. If I offend you, you choose to come here.  You can also choose not to!

In case you read this blog, I miss you mom and I love you!!!!

I Owe Ya One

It's been a week or so I guess since I blogged so here I am!  Let's see..............

I had previously blogged about sitting in our kitchen as a child and crying over a broken elastic band.  For your viewing pleasure, here is a picture of that dining area.  Of course I was all smiles here as it was my birthday.  I was also sitting to the left (from your view) and not in the spot I am in here.  That is how VIVID that memory is.  

Last Sunday I had my weekly DP/Chat/Cruise with Becca.  We always have a good time whether approved of or not.  She is a true friend and has stayed true to me.  It's not easy and I am so thankful to have you in my life Becca!!!

This week, like all weeks, I have been super busy at work.  LOVE it.  Yes, I still do and I know I say it every time I blog but that's what I think of when I think of work.  It's nice for a change.  I had a dream last night I was still teaching in Oklahoma and let me tell you it was horrible.  I seriously woke up feeling like I had truly worked all night. 

I recently told my boss that I needed to buckle down and work on my study materials while here at home but my buckle was broken!  My mind is engaged ALL day long so it is hard to want to focus even more when I get home.  As I told him, I wouldn't have it any other way!  It is much better than looking up at 2:30 and thinking "is it time to go home yet?"

The weather was absolutely beautiful today.  I enjoyed it while I was out in it.  I do like that we still have some daylight when we get off of work.  Rusty and I both have spring fever so bad it is depressing!  I am thankful that I don't have ONE thing going this weekend.  I can stay home and if the weather is bad that makes it even easier!  Of course, I have my book to study (and YES I will) and I have my violin to practice. 

Mr. Keiko has gotten "ballsy" here lately.  Here is a pic Rusty took and titled it "Don't know if this is his first time." 

I don't know how he'd get back in if he actually went over but I'm hoping he would come to the front picture window!  That's where he was when I locked him out in the snow that one night!  I think Marley is kinda looking at him with that "WTH" pose.

And here he is with a drop of milk on his nose.  Yes, I drank milk and shared my last little bit with him. 

I have not been drinking much DP at work, just too busy to think about it.  You would think I would drink more being at a desk the whole time but I stay completely busy.  I only have half of one before lunch.  I am guessing that's why the weight loss has occurred.  Um, I'm not complaining!

I had the opportunity to have Chinese with my girls, Leigh and Jen, this last week.  Jen was in town on not so great circumstances but I am glad I got to see her!

Here's to Friday!

Delete

I now consider my delete button on facebook one of my closest friends.  We met up the other night and I knocked out like 60 or so people.  Drama makers, drama lovers, drama instigators, stalkers and so forth.  Yeah, yeah they can still follow me here, but why?  Move on.  I have and I sincerely enjoy it, no harm meant with the statement.

Last Saturday spoiled me.  The weather was so nice.  We worked on a flower bed in the back yard and it definitely got the spring fever raging in me.  It has been cooler and cloudy/rainy since Monday.  Today we even had a mix of snow/rain.  It wasn't too bad because it was still 42 degrees, but no where near like it was last Saturday.  Mother Nature is such a tease!

I had to ask Rusty tonight if tomorrow was Friday.  This week has flown by.  My work days are full and keep me engaged all day long.  The evenings are full with dinner, violin, and studying.  Speaking of studying....I really must do that!  I am glad Rusty got his new game because if he plays that then I will do other things I need to.  It's a win-win for both of us.

Off I go! Have a great Friday!

A Sigh of Accomplishment

I just had a big sigh of accomplishment which equals relief for me.

I started my morning off GREAT seeing my girlfriend Becca.  It got even better when she called me shortly after that!  Can't wait for our double date.

Today was nice and steady at work.  I love looking up and thinking "holy crap, where'd the day go?"  I am busy, busy, busy and love it.  Sitting there listening to XM satellite radio working away.......love, love, love it.

This evening has been nice too.  I made Rusty homemade lasagna and he played a PS3 game called "Heavy Rain" that is pretty awesome.  You get to choose your reaction to situations and the whole story changes based on your choice.  It's almost like those books you used to read and it said "if you choose 1 go to page 153, if you choose 2 go to page 345", ya know?  While he did that I studied my CGL book for about an hour.   I really need to bust my booty and finish it by Monday that way I can start on one of the other two.

I had my first recital last week and let me tell you that if you are shaking while your bow hits your violin strings it makes a shaking note!!  The parents were impressed that I could read music and play after only 7 lessons.  I practiced tonight and have started playing 8th notes as well.  I struggled with it for a bit but Sunday it just clicked.  Even Rusty said it was crazy that I can read the notes and stuff.  It hasn't been easy but it's getting easier.  I can't wait for my next recital.  Hopefully I won't be so nervous.  I didn't want to stop practicing tonight but I wanted to blog and then get to bed.  At the moment I am also watching Mike Rowe on Dirty Jobs as he castrates sheep with his TEETH!  Ugh!  I love Mike Rowe!

Goodnight to my friends and family!

(Special shout out to Aubrey, Becca, Renee, Mom, and Gene!)

Friends

I had a wonderful time with my friend Becca last night.

I had a wonderful time with my friends Melesia and Wanda tonight.

I have a wonderful time with friends period.

I blog for friends and family.   I know who my friends are and I know who my family is.

Those are the people I do this for.  Love you guys!

Happy 1st birthday Eli. I love you!!!

Nothing Better To Do?

I shall not live my life questioning/criticizing the actions of others. Bitterness leaves a nasty taste in your mouth.

I see so much time spent on the thoughts of others. In the past, even I have been guilty of this. Worrying what others think of me.  But I'm talking about something else.  The process of pondering/critiquing/questioning/criticizing the ACTIONS of others.  Why is this done?  Is it because we think we know what is best for everyone and they should have done what we ourselves would have?  Do we honestly think that every persons circumstances are the same?  Do we really think that "our way" is the best?   

Furthermore, why should we ever feel like we should have to defend our decisions?  Not all people are selfish.  I admit, with some things I am.  I am selfish with my time with my husband.  But when a decision is based on actual negative change that needs to be addressed.....that's not selfish, it's taking care of you and yours.  

Closed minded, single minded.............either way, it may not make much sense.  I have a feeling it never will if you fall into this category.

I will make decisions based on what I truly feel AND I will not waste time trying to analyze the decisions of others.  Such a waste to keep that bitterness within as it fills your thoughts.  This I shall practice and try for complete success.