Life Happens

 So, life most certainly happens and time gets away from us!  I FINALLY e-mailed a dear friend back after I think two weeks!  HORRIBLE but hey, I did it and it will be fine.  She understands!  I absolutely LOVE this outfit from Gymboree.  That's why this pic is at the top of my blog.  He is so adorable!

 When we went to the State Fair I got this to eat.  It's actually a cupcake!  It looked so real!  The bun is cupcake, the hot dog is chocolate icing and the mustard is vanilla icing dyed yellow.  

October 13, 2011 was my four year anniversary for quitting smoking.  I won't lie, I've had the urge and several times.  I don't think that will ever go away.  My hubby surprised me with my "Four Roses for Four Years Smoke Free".  As much money as I save not smoking, I think the roses were worth it!  :o)

On another note, I took this picture of Marley the day after we took Dagwood to his new home.  It makes me sad because she looks like she is sad looking out the window wondering where he is.  He drove her nuts but they did play together.  Her and Keiko used to play all the time until he came and took over that so I hope they remember that and start playing again soon.  Dagwood went to a family that I know personally and they said he is SO spoiled.  I am so happy about that.  He was so deprived of the attention he needed and deserved here at our house.  I'm so happy he is where they will play, play, play with him!

Recently while at the Sooner Fashion Mall I was needing to nurse Ryne so I figured I would have to go into the family bathroom to do it until I saw this room!  I was SO excited!  They had a glider rocker, ottoman and changing table in this room and you could lock it and take care of your business.  It was SO nice.  I didn't feel vulnerable or rushed or dirty by being in a BATHROOM.  Thank you Sooner Fashion Mall!

We met our great friends Staci, Curtis and their son Kaden in Wichita this last weekend for a trip to the zoo.  It was so good to see them!!  Below, our first zoo trip as a family.  Well, we went when Ryne was in the oven, so technically second family trip!  

My AWESOME friend Staci.  She is expecting in February and looks so adorable.

My little man just about to sneeze............

Daddy and Ryne........he's such a proud daddy!

Staci, Ryne, Kaden and I.  My darn dimples.  And, YES, Ryne has them too!

Ryne is growing by leaps and bounds.  He actually rolled over from front to back the other day.  He was 11 weeks old this last Sunday.  He opens and closes his fists like crazy but he LOVES to clench them.  He's usually either "riding a motorcycle" or waiting to "box" someone.  I don't think I want him doing either when he grows up.  :o)

He says "Put 'em up!"

Lemons

I sure wish someone would have taught me how to make lemonade better.  All these lemons I *feel like* life is throwing at me lately are building up!  LOL

This cute little guy keeps me going though.  At 8 1/2 weeks I'd say he's doing pretty darn good at holding his head up.  He can definitely arch that back!

And a special thanks to some great friends for the encouraging words/posts following my "Final Destination Mind" blog.

2 Months

My little guy is two months old today.  We've had a good day and he has given me beautiful smiles and wonderful conversation today.  We are celebrating by taking him to his first drive-in movie.  He is going to see "The Help" and "Moneyball".  Here's to hoping it's a good evening.  As long as we can maneuver feeding and diapering in the mostly "dark" car we should be good!

Happy 2 Month Birthday My Sweet Boy!  I love you more than life itself!

Final Destination Mind

So, I mentioned in a previous blog that I have a "final destination" sort of mind.  Let me explain.  Nearly every thought I have regarding the good in my life turns into a negative, life ending thought.  This has been the case in the past but it seems to be much more so now that I have my long awaited Ryne here.  I imagine it's the fear of not being here, to see him grow up, or the fear that Rusty won't be here, or the fear that (GOD FORBID) Ryne won't be here.

So, here is an example of my "Final Destination Mind".

A few weekends ago I was going to be having company and Rusty asked what all needed to be done and two of the things mentioned was sweeping and mopping the wood floor in the living room.  I was showering first so when I heard the sweeper going I was happy that he was doing it for me.  Then, I wondered, will he mop too?  That's when the thought turned bad.  (See, something good becomes bad.)  Ryne was in his room  and we have walk through child gates on both entries into his room.  These gates have a bottom on them so you have to step over them.  During the day, mostly, we prop the gate doors open and we just have to step over the bottom.  So, here's where this got bad.  I imagined getting out of the shower and going through Ryne's room and then into the living room where I would step onto the wood floor, slip (because it's damp from Rusty so graciously mopping it), and as I go down my head hits either the corner of the top of the gate or hits the bottom of the gate.  And, you guessed it, I die.  That's it.  I only get 6 weeks with my baby boy.  No more.  **I was very thankful when I opened the bathroom door and asked Rusty if he had mopped too.  He hadn't.  One time I was glad he didn't do something to help out.**

Well, this caused me to bawl like a baby in the shower.  And I mean gasping because I was bawling so hard.  Those thoughts are HORRIBLE.  I can't begin to understand what I would go through if I actually lost my child.  Following that was a migraine like headache that lasted for 3 days.  I don't know if the crying had anything to do with it but I think it might have.

Second example??

Driving home from town with Ryne I had this thought of what if something bad happened to Rusty.  I don't remember what he was doing and why I had the thought??  Probably driving on the two-lane highway every day.  My thoughts were I'd move, probably closer to my mom.  Then I thought, no, he'd need to stay here because that's what Rusty would want.  Then I thought, well, I'd build a small home for us.  Then I thought, no, he needs to live in the one that Rusty actually built three of the walls with his own hands.  Ugh............

And of course, I do it with Ryne too.  I wish my mind didn't take this route.  It's like a downward spiral of thoughts.  One thought leads to another, then to a worse one, then to the ultimate fear.  I bring myself to tears all the time because of it.

I've been like this for a long time so I imagine it won't be changing.  I can only hope that the "final destination" won't be happening any time soon for any 3 of us.

I would say I can't imagine my life without my husband or Ryne, but I can and I do.  I wish I didn't because it is a terrible way to use my imagination.

8 Weeks

Today we had our two month well baby check.  He was technically 8 weeks yesterday.  Anyone who knows about well baby checks knows that today was......SHOTS.  I was NOT looking forward to this but we did surprisingly well.  I did not cry, to my surprise, however my little brave guy did.  We have had an okay evening and he was extremely fussy earlier but that was because he was exhausted.  He has most recently CRASHED.
He weighs 11 pounds and 1 ounce and is 22 3/4 inches long now.  I can not believe how big he has gotten and how much he has changed.  I love our "conversations" and his smiles are oh so beautiful.  I can't imagine not having him in my life.  But then again I can imagine it.  I seem to have a "final destination" kind of mind.  That blog is for later.  This is just a short teaser because I am going to take advantage of him being out right now!  Here's some pics!

This first one, he was exactly one month old and the baby acne was in full force!  This picture turned out so dang cute though!

He loves to lay on his changing table.  Obviously these are out of order.  He's older in the one directly above!

He attended his first State Fair of Oklahoma.  We only went for the food but the weather was gorgeous and we all had a much needed great family outing!














One of the many beautiful smiles we get.  You can't see it here but our little guy has dimples.  Imagine that!  Again, this picture is an early one.

He's getting his scared face down for Halloween apparently!