This is for yesterday!

First of all, sorry that this is so late Andrea!!

Last night was our Biggest Loser night. Each Tuesday we have a couple that we take turns cooking with and watching the Biggest Loser. Well, last night was Renee's turn. She said we were having beans and I really like beans. I figured some good ole' pinto's or something. Come to find out they are Northern Beans. Rusty took one bite and said I wasn't making my kind of beans ever again. From now on it would be these! LOL! They were very good and I can't wait to make them myself. I was dissapointed that Vicki didn't get kicked off last night. Anyone with that amount of negativity should just go home instead of spreading it around. I got home a little after 9:00 and did all my on line stuff then hit the sack to get some reading done.

I guess Andrea is rubbing off on me. I keep waking up at 5:30. Granted it is to pee, but still! Stop it! 'Cause once I get up the dog wants out, the cat wants to play, and I am freezing my ass off!

Ok, that was last night....................................

I forgot to blog last night!

I chose this color because, well, I'm feeling a little *blue* today.

I forgot to blog last night. I went to the gym after work, came home and made dinner, showered and then looked at the pictures that we took on Sunday. Andrea did a great job! So, needless to say it was way late by the time I got finished with all of my routine on-line stuff, plus the pictures, that I HAD to go to bed! I have to read in bed too! So, it was at 5 this morning that I remembered I didn't blog last night and that's all I could think about.

Last night as I looked at the pictures that Andrea did a great job on, I found myself wondering exactly who that girl was in those pictures. I am not being sarcastic and I am NOT looking for condolences.....I merely HAVE to talk about this somewhere and I don't want to talk to anyone because I will cry. I was on the verge of tears most of the day today.

I seriously wonder what happened to me. A picture is worth a thousand words but these left me speechless....and a little depressed. Ok, not a little but a lot.

I remember about a year ago in December I was sitting on the couch eating one of those fattening Hostess Cherry Pie things (damn that sounds good) and I looked at Rusty and said "I know I have to stop". I knew what was happening. I had quit smoking in October and I guess I did start eating to make up for it. Well, that is finally all catching up with me and the pictures just put it in perspective. They really brought out the me and I mean ALL of me. Please don't get me wrong, I am not upset with the pictures. No one can do anything about what I am unhappy about. Only me. I stood at the counter in Casey's today looking at the cigarettes. Not the way to go but I won't lie that it crossed my mind.

I am trying and it is difficult. I love food. I love to eat. And when I get depressed that's what I want to do....eat. I do go to the gym but that is hard too. My back limits me a lot and I don't know what to do about it. Rusty was trying to figure out what was wrong with me today and I said I didn't want to talk about it because no one could do anything about it. He asked (sympathetically) if I was hurting...............since when did he become concerned about that? Not trying to be mean, but I hurt every damn day. No one seems to care unless I make a big deal out of it and that's not me. The times I do mention it I get the whole "what's new" attitude so I deal with it. I have dealt with it for over 10 years with everyone thinking I am just lying or being a wuss. Keep thinking it, whatever. It's wrong of me to wish that kind of pain on someone............but if it helped them to understand maybe I could. But it's not worth it. I will continue to have those mornings where trying to turn off the alarm clock brings tears to my eyes or bending to put my shoes on seems damn near impossible. Just keep thinking I am fine and that it's all "in my head". I've hurt this long, what's another 30-40 years right?

So, am I down in the dumps? Yep. Can anyone change it? Only me. I can't change my back issues, but I can change the weight issues. I know the changes I have to make and they won't be easy due to habits of others that are involved in my daily life. I have to step up to the plate if I want to make any changes.

So, no need to mention this post to me if you read it. No need to try and make me feel better. I simply needed to "bitch" and that I have done. This probably isn't the end of it, but that's what my blogging is for. I will continue to go to the gym and I will continue to try. I know I am not trying very hard right now........I'm just not sure how. I only know that I do not like how others see me. I don't like how I see myself either.

I am still super happy with where I am in my life, just not how I am. But right now, yeah, I have that piss off attitude.

Peace out my bitches.

It's an early one tonight, I'm beat.

Ok, so it's early tonight. I am tired, I guess from the pain I have felt since yesterday. I am doing pretty good right now.

I really, really wanted to sleep in this morning but that was nixed by my back. So, I got up and laid around until noon and then started getting ready for pictures today with Andrea. We met at Frontier Park and it was a gorgeous day. The only problem is that there was something like a Frisbee Golf tournament going on or something. They also acted like they OWNED the freaking park. I was a little peaved about that. I am hoping that the pictures turned out pretty good. I bet we at least got a couple that turned out! I can't wait to see them and that's my problem. I don't want to wait! LOL! I know I will just be disappointed in the way I look so at least we will have the good looking Rusty and Marley Sue to spruce them up!

We came home and I started laundry and suprisingly had a very short little cat nap which gave me a little second wind. I got up and got dinner going. I will have to say so myself, it was goooooood! I made ribeyes, baked potatoes, mac and cheese and dinner rolls. Yummy! I am still stuffed. Rusty and I did the dishes together, sat down and did some surfing and here I am.

So, that's it. Not even 8:00 and I am ready for bed. So relaxed, other than my back and neck hurting. What's new, right?

Thanks again to Andrea for taking our pics! I want to meet Reese again too!

I'll see you, my dear readers (all 2), tomorrow at work!

In Love With My Life

I guess I don't really feel like there is much to blog about tonight. Rusty got called out again today so I went and got the oil changed in his truck then went to the gym to work out....go me, yeah, go me. I sat in the sauna for a while after I worked out and it was awesome. Most people think it would be miserable since you are already sweating and stuff, but it felt so good. Especially on my skin! I lifted some weights when I got out then came home to take a shower. Rusty got home not too long after that.

We sat around and he did paperwork most of the afternoon and I played on line. I am addicted...there, I admitted it. We went to dinner at Gutch's with Leigh Ann and Casey and then drove around while we ate our ice cream. It was a good night.

So, now I am sitting here blogging and probably getting ready to go to bed. I have been watching my dog and cat play with each other and that makes me super happy. It also made me super happy when Casey asked Rusty if he missed Chickasha at all and he said nope. Yeah, I love my life. Jealous??

Lions and Tigers and Bears.......Oh My!

Yes, that's right. I'll get you anyway PeeWee. The Wizard of Oz is on. Who could NOT watch that?? Love, love, love that movie. You didn't have to go and hit me, did ya? I'm just a dande-Lion.

Well, it's Friday. I am glad. I slept really good last night. Probably a little thanks to the 3-4 margarita's I had. I went to lunch today with two new friends from work. That was fun. Except for the paint removal and such.....sorry Andrea, I had to mention it! LOL! Rusty still doesn't know. He will now! Damn Kansas wind. So, I got to leave work a little early due to overtime from satellite clinic. I felt bad leaving because we had picked up from all the add-on's BECCA. Hee hee. So, I ran to Wal-Mart to get baked potatoes to go with our ribeye's we were gonna have for dinner. After that I went to the gym and had a great work out. I got home and Rusty was still here waiting to get called out. So, he left not too long after I got home. So, I freshened up and went and ate Subway with Renee. Now I am home, playing on the internet (which makes me happy) and watching the Wizard of Oz (which makes me even happier).

Oh, you can't rest now, we're nearly there. Comin' to think of it.......40 winks wouldn't be bad.

I do want to say a big THANK YOU to Becca for her lovely comment on my last blog. Some people just don't understand the love of a pet. I have never had any children, so Pootie was the closest thing. He was the only "person" I had for several bad experiences in my life. Without him, I am not sure I would have survived. Thankfully I had my husband when Pootie's time came.

To the Emerald City as fast as lighting!

Speaking of the Wizard of Oz, when Rusty and I went to Chicago this past summer we got to see the musical "Wicked". OMG.....best damn live theatre show EVER! It was stinking awesome!

So, it's way earlier than 9:00 tonight. Rusty still isn't home and it's after 8:00. I just may be in bed by the time he gets here. You might think that's good, but I'll be sleeping. LOL!!! That was for you Andrea.

Oh yeah, I need to see "Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants 2" also! Can't wait for "Twilight" to come out next weekend. I am soooo freaking stoked! Ok, I am just rambling now. :o)

Have a great Friday night and thanks for stalking me!

Who rang that bell?? We did. Can't you read?............................Ok, I'll stop now!